I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
