It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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