is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
