I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
