that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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