3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
