You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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