it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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