So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
