If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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