Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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