Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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