i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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