I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
