Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
