Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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