Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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