your parents love me but you hate me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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