Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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