I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
