Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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