Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
