the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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