college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
