I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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