He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
