I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
are you so shy because you have an std?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
