the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
