I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize