i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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