I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
