you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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