you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
are you so shy because you have an std?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
