i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
