I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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