she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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