So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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