You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
