I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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