also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
