Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
