she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
