I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I believe in your delicious
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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