Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
