Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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