You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
