do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
