My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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