Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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