I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
