To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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