your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
