I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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