Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize