sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
