just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
