You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
