Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
