all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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