Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
