my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
