i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
