now i know why i became what i already was.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
