finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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