I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize