just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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