You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
