Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
