dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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