i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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