You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
