Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
