Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
