Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
