I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
