We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
