1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
