i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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