i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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