i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I intend to get homeless drunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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