Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
