U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
