dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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