She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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