that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
