No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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