i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize