Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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