sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
