Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
