So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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