Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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