It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize