I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
