oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
