I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
