I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize