Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
