there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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