Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
