he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
