The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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