I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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