I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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