I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
