i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
