I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize