Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
