i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
