we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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