you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
