I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
