My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
